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The Red Lady claims a landslide victory in fight against the evil Grudgebearer, Bryngrund Garin of Karak Garin.

The forces took to the field around midday and the battle was over before the half of the second hour after noon. A swift victory for the Red Lady, her first without the support of her devoted vampiric husband, The Red Duke.

Facing down a Dwarf gun line with nought but a fist full of Ghouls and a Skeleton battalion things looked grim, but the Lady put her faith in her general Grimlock, hoping that his magical standard would protect her. It did, the enemy artillery launched a full assault, twin bolt throwers, cannons and organ guns, but the shots bounced off. So infuriated was she by this affront, that, according to witnesses, she burned half the cannon crew alive with, I promise you this is what they said “laser bolts from her eyes”.

Meanwhile the Necromancer, known only by his tabloid name “Reaper”, mounted atop his Corpse Cart was wreaking havoc, just the other side of a small copse of trees. His new shiny staff imbued his fellows with “unbelievable energy for a bunch of dead folks.” Driving the Ghouls into a feeding frenzy which tore apart the Dwarf Slayers.

Unafraid, the Skeletons marched on alongside their savage cousins, charging, spears first into the Long Beards, while the Red Lady set her contingent ready to receive the Dwarf General’s fool hardy charge. Eye witness reports remain hazy, however all of them report seeing a group of leather clad, lance wielding vampires, appearing on the horizon, apparently, wearing sunglasses and copious amounts of decorative chainmail.(?)

Just beyond the tree line the dwarf organ guns exploded, offering a fantastic firework backdrop for the demise of the spearmen who fought so bravely to the last man. Even the Ghouls, who had massacred the Slayers were claimed by the hammers of the Long Beards.

The Red Lady, bravely, if foolishly, sought out the enemy General, calling out the wimpy Grudgebearer, to her peril. His magical hammer pounded at her flesh and she was severely wounded, assuming gaseous form, she fled the field, but not before taking a sizeable chunk out of Bryngrund’s neck.

Even as the army began to fall apart, the mysterious bespectacled Vampires slammed headlong into the flank of the Bryngrund’s unit, crushing the flimsy Dwarfs beneath their iron shod hoofs. In the hope of defending his Lady’s honour General Grimlock stepped up, his deadly Wight axe ready to sever the Dwarf General’s head from his stunty body, however the General hid behind his Champion, refusing to face his doom.

However it didn’t matter, the damage done to the unit was irreparable and the Dwarfs broke and fled, the mysterious Vampires rode them down as their tiny legs struggled to work beneath their iron coated hides. Their thirst for blood unsated they struck out at the closet enemies, whipping out the cannon and one of the bolt throwers, leaving nothing but mangled machinery in their path.

And so the day was won, apparently a group of Dwarf miners witnessed the whole thing whilst picnicking in a small grove not far away, however it was “Too much like effort” to help out.

No one knows if Bryngrund Garin survived the encounter, however when I contacted his press agent he was mysteriously “Unavailable for Comment”

Unit of the Match goes to...

The Blood Knights, whose timely entrance into the fray turned the tide of a potentially embarrassing defeat, destroying thirty six Dwarf warriors plus a hero and the general, as well as capturing two standards.

Folly of the Match goes to...

Yet again the poor old Red Lady, who has yet to survive a battle intact. She foolishly challenged an enemy she wasn’t sure to beat, with no way of protecting her frail body from the hail of blows it was bound to receive. Her death was a devastating blow that could have lead to a completely different outcome had Lance and his boys not been there to save the day.

Special Mentions...

The Ghouls (or Plague Ridden Peasantry) for slaughtering the annoying slayers so very effectively. Not only did they strike first with eleven attacks every round but automatic kills with their poisoned attacker coupled with Reaper’s Staff of Damnation giving them two free rounds of attacks was exceptionally effective.

So that’s three wins for the Red Duke and a draw... oh how times have changed.